Options are Initiation

Not yet yes, nor no, or what the fuck!
What’s new or different 
looks to me like twins,
future fantasies and predictions 
favor 3-card Monte,
mirrored by past decisions 
of dubious consequence.

Abandoned by the last one 
trying to be a wife
she said I practiced 
with too much silence,
and yes, 
I want to be contained,
have a small immunity
in practical anonymity
as I can’t afford 
god’s hourly rate
for private consultation.

Every option an initiation
living in a season 
of doing nothing.
Letting it winter,
needing time to thaw
from once-warm desires,
frozen attachments, 
and unintended consequences 
of fictions of success.

No more harvesting karma and desires.

Though I came badly to love
there is still a world 
that’s largely surprise
and I’m wanting to avoid 
all the miniscule assassins 
of memory and future guessing.

I have a feeling 
this ending offers starting 
with anchors 
in untried stories.
Arriving in infinite curiosity 
with a revolutionary love
which lives in the waiting,
in the space between the absence.